This is old news, but it needs to be written. I am a cat person. Not a "crazy cat lady," I just prefer cats. Shortly after Jason and I got married we got a puppy. Jason is a dog person and he bonded with this dog. The next year we were driving back from the coast and for "fun" stopped by the Humane Society just to look. There was a dalmation there who I fell in love with. She was on the small side for a dalmation, but very pretty and very sweet. When you rubbed her ears she would groan in ecstasy. We decided against adopting her, but the next day when I got home from work, Jason surprised me with her. Kishka, like every dog, had some issues, but she was mine.
Over the past 2 years, Kishka started losing a weight. She didn't eat less, in fact she ate more. She just dropped all the fat from her body. She also started to lose vision and hearing. She did not seem to be in pain, but was often disoriented or confused. We took her to the vet a year ago and though tests were done, no cause was discovered. In December I took her back and they ran more tests. It was determined that she most likely had a brain tumor. While I felt quite close to this dog, I could not mortgage my home for canine cancer treatment. So on December 21, I had Kishka put to sleep. Jason offered to take her out and shoot her, but I decided to be a big girl and take care of it myself. That and I didn't want to know that my husband shot my dog.
I cried. But less than I expected. I realized that with her, the grieving process had begun long ago. She had become withdrawn. She was not eager to seek out affection nor to bestow it. She had ceased becoming the dog I loved and was just another creature in our household. So, while the event was sad, it did not affect me in the way I expected. I dreaded telling the kids about the her, but she had been so uninvolved in our lives that it was hardly a blip on their screen.
I'm not going anywhere with this, don't expect a tie it all together statement like "I hope I never become so uninvolved in people's lives that I am not missed" or "Isn't grief strange how it appears differently based on the sequence of events." I just thought I'd share a bit about my dog.
4 comments:
I'm so sorry, Melinda. I'm glad that you had time to detach from her a bit and her from you so that the finality was not so hard.
I can not believe that you don't understand that some pets like people unattach themselves due to their pain. You might would do the same if in pain. You are very insensitive and should miss the dog. If you don't then you don't understand dogs at all. They love us unconditionally.
I should clarify....I DO miss Kishka. But I started missing her long ago, not just when she died. Also, the vet confirmed with me that indeed she was most likely unable to feel pain. Instead she felt uncomfortable due to the disorientation. And it was at their advice to not end her pain any earlier than we chose to. An autopsy (performed because of the vet's interest) did reveal cancer in the brain, pancreas, and lung which did explain all symptoms.
Have you ever noticed that the parents of a mentally-unstable criminals are shocked and surprised at their child's actions? They appear on TV to help us understand how their dog, I mean child, is actually a misunderstood, caring, and nice person. That may be true. Wouldn't it be nice if these parents acknowledged the whole truth. Let me confess the truth for the record. I admit it! I own one of these loveable mental-case dogs. He mades Kishka look like a saint.
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